This blog began in the crux of the 2020 pandemic in an effort to boost spirits, inspire, and ignite the best self possible for anyone reading. It helped me personally, and I recommend blogging or podcasting to everyone for mental health. I write about a lot of things on here, some more touchy than others, but it wasn’t easy to let go of fears to do so.
I am someone who has always cared a lot about “What other people think of me.” Maybe you are too.. Maybe you are someone who “doesn’t give a shit what people think of me.” Oddly if you think about it these 2 people both care what people think in some fashion. But, also oddly, this could be the same person also.. I know this because I have felt like both.. Both caring soo much about what everyone thought, that it drove me to a point of not caring what ANYONE thought.
So in essence, things like putting these little “deep thoughts by Jer Handy” into the blogosphere are odd ways of digitizing my real internal thoughts, if they are not being perceived properly through my external portrayals on digital media.
The way we are perceived through digital media in today’s world is what will demonstrate your analog reflection of self to other people in the real world. You can confuse people, set people straight, or make someone laugh or cry with just a facebook post or tweet. Why not take the same approach to trying to help inspire people to get better?
This quickie is about my reflection and growth, in an effort to inspire or trigger some action or response in your heart.. whatever it may be.. good bad or ugly..
Internal Happiness Value Vs External Happiness Value
What do I mean? You may be already onto where I am going hopefully, but what I mean is .. How do you separate internal and external happiness and how do you quantify happiness? How do you “please everybody” and keep yourself satisfied.
I was recently thinking about how in my past personal life I have lived I call “The drinkers lie” You are perceived as happy, because evidently..you ARE outwardly happy, everyone loves seeing you happy, but internally..you are the sad clown in the dark when the lights go off.. I can expect anyone reading this far has felt this way at some point in their life.
So, external happiness value is the things in your life that you are doing outwardly, or for others, both professionally and personally. These are the things that you do to make others feel good, make money, earn a living, entertain others, serve others. These are things that you do for your family, friends, boss, strangers, maybe if you are a philanthropist you serve a large community. I see many people who are able to do this very well, even people who drink, the bar star.
Internal happiness value by my definition is then, the things that you are doing inwardly, or for yourself, both professionally and personally. These are the things that others do to make you feel good, make you money, earn you a living, entertain you, serve yourself. These are the things you do to help be a better human being for your family, friends, boss, strangers, and maybe even a large community to look up to and follow, I’ve seen the drinker in this form too, the functioning hermit.
Balancing these 2 things is not easy. You may choose to utilize people, things or substances to help with that balance.
Here’s where I may through you for a loop.
Those 2 things are in constant flux. Those 2 things, in equation, are the keys to balancing your happiness. I figured if you could balance all that, you were a good person… If you could make sure everyone was happy, you’d be happy right?
Here’s what I found.
You can’t please everybody and yourself.
But you can live very comfortably if you know you please a higher power. You can sleep at night knowing you’re working for the right “boss.” When you know who you’re working for, and who has your back, you can walk confidently. When you feel like you are a positive light in the world, you can smile internally when no one is watching.
God has always existed to me personally. The “Higher Power” or “Good” or “karma” or “lord” or whatever you want to define it as. There is good and bad. In my opinion, just like the ouija board.. in order to function, you must be open to it. In other times of my life, I’ve doubted God’s wrath lol. I’ve found my fear of God. I’ve recognized the devil is not who you should be afraid of. He is not in control of your destiny, but only trying to divert you from it. You should be afraid of getting off the path that is meant for you.. why wouldn’t you be?
If you think you can balance your internal and external happiness without giving up faith and trust to a higher power to take care of your dirty work for you… guess what.. you’re already working for the devil. If you start making decisions that you don’t feel the GOOD lord would approve of… you are doing the dirty work yourself. Therefore… in theory.. you’re already working for the devil.
What do I mean? It’s very easy to get off course in this world we live in. God isn’t cool anymore. God isn’t scary anymore. People don’t really talk about God because everything in our world has so many answers. You can google the answer. You can find any answer you want to find. I am in the business of digital marketing and production. Answers are being created as we speak to questions that have never been asked on the internet. The internet cannot become our GOD. People used to fear god and laugh at the devil.. now we fear the devil and laugh at god.
The devil is nothing but a temptress, a vile conniving joker who is constantly trying to make you feel like shit. The devil does come in the form of other people, but only in those who live the way he tells them to. They do not live with honor or integrity because he lies to them and tells them they need not be afraid. He cracks you from the inside out, and while everyone watches the show of the drinkers lie, he is eating you from within, pulling you further and further from God’s truth, so much so that your internal mind becomes detached from your external persona so much so that you break. I know this because I’ve danced with the devil in a pale moonlight… So this is my effort to show others it’s never too late to escape and recover.
This blog is a digital representation of my belief that God does exist. I believe in the devil and I believe in God. You know and I know that things that TRULY feel good never STOP feeling good. Sin is the thing that feels good in the moment that turns into pain in the form of guilt and shame. I have tried to please everyone and failed. I have tried to ignore everyone and failed. I have now realized at age 31 that the things I believed in that were good were.. and the things that felt bad.. were. It’s not too simple, but it’s also not too complicated.
It wasn’t until I gave in and accepted my fate and service to God (Good, Justice, Truth) for everyone I meet, that I started to feel the true balance of internal and external happiness. The feeling of good honest work. The feeling of accomplishment. This blog alone, provides me with that feeling. The feeling that I am working for the Good Boss, and I stuck it to the ultimate BAD boss. Helping others see the light is the ultimate happiness. Things that I thought I had learned about myself in a negative light were transformed into personal visualizations of future success. The man in the mirror started smiling back, not grinning with a sneer evil victory over me.
I promise you if you really want to feel good internally and externally, you will need to change and make sacrifices. But I also promise you if you can rid yourself of the thing(s) you know are not helping you reach your goals (happiness) you will feel God’s light on your face, and in your heart, and in your mind.. you will be internally happy, and externally happy..through trust and faith.
The devil is a liar. You know what you need to do in every moment, let your internal and external happiness be empowered by Good, Truth, Justice and study the leaders and those who serve and are empowered by what they do for their brothers and sisters alongside them. Tell the truth and speak the good word for all who will listen and don’t be afraid of the dark, for the light is inside you at all times if you let it.
God’s light will always shine through, even in the darkest of times, because of people who choose to shine the dirtiest of shoes.
