Everyone has good days. Some more than others. Everyone has bad days, some more than others. Whatever you think of, in your traditional sense, of a good day, and whatever you think of, in your own traditional sense, of a bad day, might not be that different at all. How you felt that day probably had more predication on your experience of said day.
One thing I’ve found during this quarantine, at it’s basic yet tediously complicated core, is that being proactive about your wellness comes solely from your mind. Not mine, not Trumps, not Fauci, not your neighbor who keeps leaving cigar butts on your lawn (really dude?) Fortitude and surviving is much harder for some people than others, but foundationally, it comes from within, and as humans…. WE all have the ability to survive.
This may not come as a surprise to many, but I, like you, have had bouts of spitfire anger, deepening sadness, loss of hope, and a deadening, hardening coldness that is the reality that life as we know it will never be the same.
I’ve cracked. Little cracks, big cracks. What I’ve learned is, despite cracking, both at the minimal and maximum level, nothing ever happens. No action is taken during a crack. Nothing good, in respect to whatever said thing causes the crack, is done for you immediately.
Nothing happens in that momentary loss of control over emotions. Until it’s over. Then, now what. Who looked? Who cared? Who bought into my child like tantrum? If you look back in your life at times where you may have REALLY cracked… the moments during are nothing more than destruction of your own manifold. You can’t help but feel like a child in a shitty diaper.
But something does happen.
You realize something inside you during those cracks.
You realize something inside you that’s been there the entire time. The truth.
The truth hurts and sometimes it breaks us down at our foundation. Trying to avoid our internal truths is about the most painful things you can do.
Something does happen when someone cracks. It can take you one of two ways.. Up or down. Sometimes it leads to grabbing a bottle. Sometimes that bottle is whiskey, sometimes it’s a water bottle after a workout.
Sometimes it’s grabbing a pen. Sometimes that pen writes checks to buy new exciting debt, sometimes that pen writes checks to pay old debts.
No matter what, I’ve started to realize that when that little bit of you cracks inside, listen. Listen to the real you inside. Listen to your feelings. Even if you feel like you can’t tell anyone else, they are yours. They are true! Nobody’s writing these for you, and no one will be able to explain them (outside of maybe a professional, also good) on a google search.
In reading the new Crenshaw book Fortitude, I’ve personally been able to find a new hero, with a new code. That is one of the most gratifying actions I’ve found in life, finding heroes to guide your life by. I’ve been blessed with many heroic individuals in my own personal journey, but I’ve also been apt to find the wrong heroes. Helping anyone become a hero, however has always been something that gives me great joy.
That is why I’ve started this blog, In hopes that my desire to help other people feel and see that they too are heroic, in whatever hierarchy or purpose they serve. That is what my crack led to. My crack led to realizing that internally I know exactly what I need to do. I know exactly who I need to be to serve the only God I know, but I will need to be reminded again.
We are all in constant evolution, no matter the age we call ourselves. Science says there is no such thing as de-evolution. Therefore, the true definition of “de-evolving, is remaining unchanged. Remaining unchanged hurts!
So I’ll leave you with this this Monday Morning..
Are you evolving today? Or are you choosing to devolve today? Only you can choose, and only you can act on the truth of that decision in your mind.
