I been waking up early AF. One thing I’ve realized having survived the world of addiction and alcoholism, time is your biggest vampire. When you are living in the darkness, whether it be induced by chemical poisoning, or just due to stress, or because you feel trapped, whatever it is, time doesn’t feel right. The struggle is real. Your body moves with weight on it that isn’t yours. You feel pains you know you shouldn’t be. You think things you don’t think you should.
Clock Into Your Self
If you are like me, you care about others. If you say you don’t care about others, you’re a fool. One thing that the 3 month shift that we went through during “shutdown” (proudly worked remotely for my Bosses non corporate private owned biz) is that though financially, I sort of need to work 2 jobs, I need to remember that I have to clock into my own self.
Working for the Man
I’m a former athlete who attempted to reach my goals and, for the most part.. did. I was told once by someone I respect greatly, that “Athletes Die Twice.” This is a concept that when founded upon me, got me through a different chapter of re-skinning myself. Though I was able to begin to accept my athletic career was over, I had no idea how hard it would be to find a career.
I’ve spent time working for corporate restaurants. One time I remember Stephon Gilmore walk in as a young rookie to grab his togo from Olive Garden, I felt as though, I was of a lower species of human being. My first goal was football, no matter what it took I was going to be the best QB on and off the field as I could.
But now I was not that. I never really was what I though I could be as a little boy. But I always was what I thought I could be. I poisoned myself regularly with partying and living the “industry” life of a restaurant worker. I spent time opening up myself from the world I knew, and in doing so opened it to a world I thought I knew.
Living In the Dark
I’ve felt internal struggle. The truth that I have faced true darkness from within is something that only I will ever able to feel. But I know others feel it too. I know that others need OTHERS to help them. There are so many people living in the dark right now. Whether they know it or not. I challenge whoever is reading this to try something.
Clock Into Your Self
I challenge you to take a little bit of time today, to do EXACTLY what you’ve always wanted to do. I challenge you to reach inside the wettest part of your internal soul and spend a little time with the thing that you really want. Think about it. You’ve clocked into every JOB you ever had. You saw the payment at the end. You had the money come in, and go back out. But you tracked your hours. You tracked your work.
I’m writing this blog right now to start clocking in for my self. This is what I love to do. Lift as many up as I can and lead forward to the fucking end zone. Take one hour today to clock in for your self. Start counting those hours. The money isn’t the prize, the purpose is.
Have a blessed week! Shout Out to Brian Cox Jr. who supported The Tryin Times on IG and left a #gobills comment. If my words here mean something that helps JUST ONE PERSON I can walk proudly today.
