Friendships that are made in youth sports are weird. You kinda don’t even remember why you know that person so well, but the bond is just there. I reconnected a few years back with a kid who was on my youth football team. We reconnected in ways I never could have imagined. I saw a lot of myself in him, and he in me.
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| Airlanes Football Represent |
When someone kills themselves, their pain lives on, even if their body doesn’t. This is one of many reasons why we need to love one another. You never know what others are struggling with. You never think that person who is always there to provide comedy could be living so dramatically. You never really think someone could be brave enough to take their own life. With all respect to anyone who has been effected by suicide, I write this blog today in honor of a friend of mine who killed himself.
I turned 30 last November.
Yesterday would have been his 30th birthday.
The world that we live in doesn’t take any shortcuts when it comes to providing challenge. No matter what background you come from, your arc has covered trails of triumph, and of tribulation. We’ve talked on here about the dirty trick of the devil, and the goal here is not to hurt anyone or open anyone’s wounds, but to provide real reflection and introspection from what I have gathered in my few years of reflection on knowing someone who took their own life.
I am a believer in angels, and I am a believer in God. You don’t have to be to understand what it takes to be a good person. Unfortunately my friend Zak isn’t walking around talking to anyone anymore, but his good nature and his pure infatuation with creating smiles is something I will never forget. Here are a few things that Zak taught me, that will stay with me forever.
Be there for anyone who asks
Don’t discriminate against who deserves your attention. Social circles, cliques, popularity and seeking to be above anyone who challenged me were the norm for me most of my life. When I reconnected with Zak later in life I was immediately inspired by his ability to see the light in the shadows of life. He was so kind to everyone. He was so nice. He didn’t have to be. What’s so confusing about suicide is seeing people who are the light, not be able to keep their own lit. If you knew Zak you know he would never blow you off if you opened yourself to him. His soul was open and old, and he was always willing to give a hand to anyone. Never discriminate against anyone, we are all children of God.
Live without fear
When it comes to fear, everyone is on a different scale. Some may experience neurotic fears that trouble them constantly, haunting them with scenarios that may not be even be realistic. Some may have logical fears based on scenarios of which may be very realistic. Some fears are cast from the internal, and some are provided from the external. What you cannot do is let fear overpower love. Whenever I brought my weakest, darkest thoughts to Zak, he was never afraid to face my demons with me. Not everyone has experienced the dark, but there is a bond you have with those that have that cannot be explained. There is a dark humor that keeps the show rolling, but can also hide the facts behind the script. Never be afraid to help someone face their demons. And never forget to ask the people you confess your truths to how they’re doing.
Take care of yourself
Some people care more about others than they do themselves. There is a catch to extending your hand to everyone that asks… Not everyone extends theirs to you. You must look out for yourself and you must live your truth. You cannot make everyone happy unfortunately. All you can do is be the best version of yourself and do your best to be the light for others. What you can’t do is control the outcome. When you spend so much energy helping others you can lose control of your self. Always Love your self as much as you love others.
Never let the fallen be forgotten
Rich souls never die. No matter how dark or dreary the suicide, if Zak is out there in the ether somewhere I would just love him to know that his story for me, though tragic, is not a sad story. The legacies of those who have taken their own life should be honored, not looked down upon. Each example of suicide is a story of tragedy, but the love and purity that those people put out into the world is often understated.
Cry your truth
We can get so caught up in our own little worlds of work and play that we don’t even stop to think about the things that matter. It’s easy in today’s world to get caught up in the drama and the circus. There is something I want to make clear, being afraid and crying are not the same thing. We have talked before about living your truth and letting your love leak. Sometimes that thing that might make you cry is the thing holding you back from living your best life. Cry alone. Cry to your brothers. Cry to your sisters. Do not cry out of fear, but cry out of gratitude for what you have been given today, because you never know what or who may not be there tomorrow.
I know that there are a lot of people who wish Zak was here today. I know that he wasn’t a perfect person. But I am so proud to have known him, and I am proud to have been a part if his life. At his funeral I saw how many people he touched. It was incredible.
People don’t like to talk about death. People don’t like to talk about suicide. People don’t like to talk about depression or mental health or drug addiction. In talking about it however you never know who could be listening.
I hope that everyone that knew Zak never looks at his story as a tragedy, but as a true proof that angels do exist and some people were meant to watch over us in spirit.
Love you man.
